Reclaiming the Narratives We Carry
What is the story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are? And what story are you telling yourself about the situation you’re currently facing?
Perhaps an equally important question is: What happens when the stories we tell ourselves begin to do more harm than good?
These are some of the questions that Narrative Therapy invites us to explore.
Throughout our lives, we develop stories about ourselves, our experiences, and the world around us. These narratives can influence how we understand who we are, what we’re capable of, and even what we believe is possible for our future.
But we don’t develop these stories in isolation.
It is a long-established fact that a reader will be distracted by the readable content of a page when looking at its layout. The point of using it is that it has a more-or-less normal package.
Where Do Our Stories Come From?
As we navigate life, many different experiences can shape the narratives we carry. Our families, relationships, culture, communities, societal expectations, and difficult life experiences can all influence how we come to understand ourselves.
Sometimes these messages are direct.
Maybe you were told that you were too emotional, difficult, quiet, weak, or simply “not good enough.”
Other times, the messages are more subtle.
Perhaps you learned that being strong meant never asking for help. Maybe you learned that your needs should come second to everyone else’s. Or perhaps experiences of rejection, loss, failure, or trauma slowly contributed to a story that says:
I’m not enough.
I can’t trust anyone.
I always mess things up.
I must handle everything on my own.
Over time, these stories can become so familiar that we stop recognizing them as stories at all. Instead, they can begin to feel like facts about who we are.
Narrative Therapy invites us to slow down and become curious about these stories rather than immediately accepting them as truth.
Where did this belief about myself come from?
When did I first begin believing it?
Whose voice might I hear when I tell myself this?
How have my family, culture, relationships, or experiences contributed to this story?
And does this story capture the fullness of who I am?
This process of breaking apart and examining a dominant story is sometimes referred to as deconstruction. It can help us recognize that the beliefs we hold about ourselves didn’t develop in isolation. They were shaped within a much larger context.
And sometimes, simply becoming aware of where a story came from can begin to change our relationship with it.
You Are Not the Problem, the Problem is the Problem
One of the ideas in Narrative Therapy is the distinction between the person and the problem.
When we’re struggling, it can be easy to overidentify with what we’re experiencing.
Instead of saying, “I’m experiencing anxiety,” the story can slowly become, “I’m an anxious person.”
Instead of, “I’ve experienced failure,” it becomes, “I’m a failure.”
Instead of recognizing that we’re going through a difficult period, we may begin believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with who we are.
The problem becomes intertwined with our identity.
Narrative Therapy encourages us to create some distance between ourselves and the challenges we’re experiencing. This process is often referred to as externalization.
Rather than viewing ourselves as the problem, we can begin looking at the problem as something that is affecting our lives.
This doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility or pretending that our choices don’t matter. Instead, it gives us an opportunity to examine the problem with greater curiosity.
How has anxiety been influencing my decisions?
When does self-doubt seem to have the strongest voice?
What has this problem convinced me to believe about myself?
That distinction may seem small, but it can create room for something important:
Choice.
Moving From the Passenger Seat to the Driver’s Seat
Sometimes the stories we carry can make us feel like passengers in our own lives.
The story already seems to have been written, and we’re simply following wherever it takes us.
Narrative Therapy can help us begin moving from the passenger seat back into the driver’s seat.
Part of that process involves slowing down and becoming curious about the story we’re carrying.
Where did this story come from?
How has this story influenced the choices I’ve made?
What has it encouraged me to believe about myself?
What has it prevented me from seeing?
And perhaps most importantly:
Is this the only story that can be told?
When one story has dominated the way we see ourselves for a long time, it can become difficult to notice anything that contradicts it.
But those moments are often there.
Looking for the Stories We May Have Missed
Imagine someone who has carried the belief, “I’m weak,” for years.
If that belief has become their dominant story, they may unintentionally focus on experiences that seem to confirm it while overlooking moments when they demonstrated incredible perseverance.
Someone carrying the belief, “Nobody cares about me,” may have difficulty recognizing relationships where care and connection have been present.
Someone who believes, “I’ll never change,” may overlook the small ways they’ve already begun changing.
Narrative Therapy sometimes refers to experiences that don’t fit our dominant story as unique outcomes.
These moments matter because they remind us that there may be more to our story than we’ve allowed ourselves to see.
Perhaps you weren’t weak in every moment.
Perhaps there were times when you set a boundary, reached out for support, survived something you didn’t think you could survive, or made a decision that aligned with the person you wanted to become.
These experiences don’t erase the difficult parts of our story.
Instead, they can help us take a bird’s-eye view and recognize that our story may be bigger than the problem has allowed us to see.
Discovering Alternative Stories
When one narrative has shaped how we see ourselves for a long time, imagining another perspective can feel uncomfortable.
This is where developing alternative narratives can become meaningful.
An alternative story isn’t about pretending everything is okay or simply replacing a negative thought with a positive one.
It’s about developing a fuller understanding of ourselves.
Instead of only asking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
We can also begin asking:
What have I survived?
What matters to me?
When have I responded differently?
What strengths have I overlooked?
What does that tell me about who I am?
What kind of person do I want to become?
These questions can help bring forward parts of our story that may have been overshadowed by the problem.
Rewriting Doesn’t Mean Erasing
I think it’s important to clarify what it means to “rewrite” our story.
Reclaiming your story doesn’t mean pretending that painful experiences didn’t happen.
It doesn’t mean replacing every difficult thought with a positive one. And it certainly doesn’t mean ignoring the realities you’ve faced.
Some experiences leave real wounds.
Trauma, loss, discrimination, rejection, systemic barriers, and difficult relationships can have meaningful impacts on how we see ourselves and move through the world.
These experiences can’t simply be thought away.
The goal isn’t to erase those chapters from our story.
Instead, we can become curious about whether the meaning we’ve attached to those experiences has become the only way we’re able to see ourselves.
There can be space to acknowledge:
“This happened to me.”
while also asking:
“What else is true about me?”
Your pain can be part of your story without becoming your entire identity.
What Does the Research Say?
Recent research suggests that narrative approaches may be helpful for some individuals in areas such as depressive symptoms, hope, resilience, self-reflection, and developing a greater sense of agency. At the same time, the research base is still growing, and more high-quality studies are needed to better understand who benefits most and under what circumstances.
Like any therapeutic approach, Narrative Therapy isn’t necessarily the right fit for everyone.
For some people, exploring their experiences through stories and meaning can be incredibly helpful. For others, Narrative Therapy may be most useful when integrated with other therapeutic approaches based on their needs, preferences, and goals.
Therapy isn’t about fitting everyone into the same approach.
It’s about finding an approach that makes sense for the person sitting in front of us.
Becoming the Author of the Next Chapter
Drawing awareness to the narratives we carry is an important first step.
From there, we can begin separating ourselves from the problems we’re experiencing, challenging stories that no longer serve us, and creating room for alternative narratives.
There is something powerful about realizing that although we may not have chosen every experience that shaped our story, we can still have a voice in what happens next.
Gaining greater agency over our story can help restore a sense of autonomy. It allows us to become more intentional about the beliefs we carry forward and the ones we’re ready to leave behind.
Your past may be part of your story.
Your struggles may be part of your story.
Your mistakes may be part of your story.
But none of them have to become the entirety of your story.
Perhaps healing isn’t about erasing the chapters that have already been written.
Perhaps it’s about learning to understand those chapters with greater compassion, recognizing the stories we’ve inherited along the way, and realizing that there are still chapters ahead that haven’t been written yet.
So, I’ll leave you with the question we started with:
What story have you been telling yourself—and is it still the story you want to carry?
If this is something you’d like to explore, therapy can provide a space to become curious about the narratives that have shaped your life and begin discovering what you want the next chapter to look like.
Your story is still being written.
-Edward Sackey
References
Brenner, B. (n.d.). The strengths and weaknesses of narrative therapy: When telling your story helps (and when it doesn’t). Therapy Group of DC. Therapy Group of DC article
Clarke, J. (2026, June 11). How narrative therapy works. Verywell Mind. Verywell Mind article
Hu, G., Han, B., Gains, H., & Jia, Y. (2024). Effectiveness of narrative therapy for depressive symptoms in adults with somatic disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 24(4), 100520. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijchp.2024.100520
Jones, M. A., Hutchinson, A. D., & Barry, L. (2026). Narrative therapy: A systematic review of efficacy and effectiveness for improving biopsychosocial outcomes in people with cancer. Psycho-Oncology, 35(4), e70460. https://doi.org/10.1002/pon.70460
